This is an appealing theory. The thought of these folks sitting around in secret locations deciding the fate of the earth is quite enthralling. Possibly a good idea for a movie.

 

The reason that you haven't read about these fellows is that they control the media. The reason no one speaks up about it is because they are silenced. And the reason there is no evidence for it is that the evidence is destroyed. If there were any evidence of the conspiracy then it wouldn't be a very effective conspiracy. The real conspiracies can conceal the truth. In short, it's because you can't prove it that it must be true.

I have, of course, done my own research into this theory and come to the conclusion that it is absolutely true. The reason I have come to this view is that the world is clearly being managed so spectacularly badly, it can only be because world affairs are in the hands of a committee.

There is no better way to mess up an important task than to entrust its management to a committee.

I witnessed this phenomenon myself when I was recently tricked into attending a discussion on the design of the bank's new business cards. It's not world domination, I know, but it is a topic that generates plenty of discussion. I say "tricked" because I thought I was attending a management update meeting. It was not until the first agenda item was presented that I realised I was to be involved in an impassioned debate on a fairly uninteresting topic.

"The font needs to be more finance-focused. I would suggest Helvetica," began Helda from accounts. This set off a lengthy discussion about which font properly defined us. This discussion lasted a good 15 minutes and yielded no consensus, prompting committee members to compromise on this point and agree to leave it as it was.

Next came the discussion of what should be written on the card.

"Certainly job title" said Warren. "I think department is more important than job title" said Harry. "Well, departments are quite large, so we need to have team or division," said someone else.

This discussion went on for a surprising length of time during which the committee members seemed to break into factions, each supporting the inclusion of one or another item. When it seemed that no possible resolution was in sight, the chairman decided to again compromise and include name, job title, department, team and optionally, region.

A similar thing happened in the discussion of logo size, layout, colour, and I think cardboard. No consensus was reached and so compromises were taken on every point. This is only possible in committees, and it is the only way we could have ended up with seemingly haphazard business cards that everyone is equally unhappy with.

Had one person just looked at the design and made a decision, it would have taken a tenth of the time and yielded a better result. This is true of virtually any decision taken by a committee, including decisions on the domination of the earth.

This can be seen clearly in the way the alien lizards managed the US elections. They obviously compromised during the committee meeting. Someone, or something, on the committee wanted an intelligent American president for a change, so they came up with Barack Obama. By contrast, someone else no doubt didn't want someone that would actually be able to do too much, so they made him a Democrat.

They seem to have also been forced to compromise in the decision to create an economic collapse. Obviously they had decided that banks ought to implode so as to make way for a new world order. But, to appease the alien lizard with friends in the banking community, they decided - right before the banks completely disintegrated - that they would have world governments put them all back together again. So they sort of achieved something that didn't really achieve anything.

At least we know we can rest assured that, although the world might be controlled by an alien lizard conspiracy, so long as they're stuck doing things by consensus in their world-domination committee, they won't actually be able to get anything done.